Life and death are enthralling.  With monumental events, may they be tragic or filled with joy, often assign our minds into boundless, ever-enthralling thought.

For me, these thoughts were prompted by brimming anticipation for my niece, Klaire, to arrive in world.  Engrossed in my own mind during the past few weeks, I spent many restless nights reflecting on subjects, in prayer for this sweet, new life, and contemplating the future.  My old youth pastor in Arkansas told me I was a “dweller,” or someone who is constantly thinking.  He was doubtlessly correct about that!  Klaire was born Sunday night and our friends and family celebrated and rejoiced over her precious first breaths, and excitement lingers in all of our hearts.  I was overjoyed, yet my consuming thoughts persevered.

These prevailing thoughts have made me curious about what the Lord is trying to teach me.  Wednesday, my Community Group Leader, Kate, shared something her mom told her: “God speaks in whispers to show that He is near.”  It can be difficult to discover insight when diverse topics circumnavigate your mind, and trying to discern can become daunting.  It was not worry that apprehended my conscious, simply menial thoughts.

“Splendor and majesty are before Him;

strength and beauty are in His sanctuary.”

Psalm 96:6

As I read Psalm 96, thoughts that permeated my concentration began to vanish from my mind.  I had forgotten the glory of my God.  I was pondering the life that He gives, yet I forgot the splendor of who He is and what He gives.  “Let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice; let the sea roar, and all that fills it,” Psalm 96:11.

I too often forget to rejoice.  Joy and happiness are hard ones for me.  I love studying to a fault; I’ll study God’s word and my textbooks all day long, and, though I find much enjoyment in doing so, I regularly forget to simply be happy.

Happiness comes as a second nature to me, not that I’m overflowing with sorrow, I will just become so concentrated on what I learn that I forget to gleam enjoyment from it.  It’s a subtle happiness that I forget to express.   When I left for college, my family gave me a sign that reads “Today I choose happiness.”  I hadn’t ultimately comprehended this characteristic about myself; I have divorced my knowledge from emotion.

I concluded my study for the day through reading Proverb 9, and reread two verses I know well, “Leave your simple ways, and live, and walk in insight…The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight” (Proverb 9:6,10).”

I realized an area where I was being unfaithful to the Lord that night.  By compartmentalizing what I learn and how I feel, I was depriving myself from gaining insight.  I could not unearth any insight from my thoughts because I was going about it the wrong way.  I disconnected the emotional part of myself because I wanted to learn so much—I forgot the importance of why we learn.  We learn to change ourselves, to reshape our minds, to modify the ways we think and feel about particular subjects.  I wanted to be numb in my quest for knowledge and understanding, but without emotion little understanding can be obtained.

For Further Reading:

Ecclesiastes 3

Psalm 96, Proverb 9.

Romans 12:9

Colossians 2:8, Hebrews 10:23

Isaiah 30:15-18

Psalm 139:23