June 23, 2026
Tired. So tired.
It’s a liminal space where days flow together and nights seem endless due to the lack of sleep. I fall asleep, I wake up, I cry, I fall back asleep, I wake up, I cry… and the cycle repeats.
Thankfully, I began counseling/therapy at the beginning of the year to handle past trauma I felt safe enough to revisit, including the suicide of my oldest sibling. Ironically, I told my therapist a few weeks ago that I thought I was ready to “graduate” from therapy – she agreed. And then… this.
She scheduled me immediately for a session this morning and we cried as I detailed her the reality and my experience. It was freeing to lay it all out in the open, but the void my mother left will always be there — my life has changed forever.
My entire [living] immediate family is together, and together feels good. It brings drops of happiness where an ocean of sorrow surrounds us.
We sifted through hundreds of photos, both digital and encased in beautiful photo albums my mom made. We crafted an obituary. We played in the pool. We cried. We talked. We mourned.
I can’t thank you enough, reader, supporter, friend. We have had such phenomenal support. Close friends and family have gone above and beyond. I can’t thank my husband enough, though he too is deep in mourning, he is so attentive, kind, and sensitive to whatever I need.
For those asking how to support us, Carrie created a GoFund Me for my Daddy: https://gofund.me/350f5f59
I am grateful a lot, I am hurting a lot.
Daily Tip for Communicating with Someone in Mourning
If you have to start a sentence with “I’m sorry to ask you this,” or “I’m sorry to pry, but…” do us both a favor and don’t ask that question. That’s your conscious telling you that, yes, it is an inappropriate question to ask.
June 23, 2026
Ugh. Exhaustion remains daily now, no matter how much sleep I get.
In the first few months, it felt like I would never get a solid night of sleep again. The mind races and races and races until pure exhaustion… and then dreams of the departed haunt what little sleep prevails. Tears occasionally greet me when I lay down or when I wake up, but not like they did back then.
Experiencing therapy amidst grief revolutionizes the experience. I have been able to do miraculous work towards healing, acceptance, and loving despite the abandonment I’ve faced.
Many people asked insensitive questions back there, and many people shared sensitive information. I’ve written copiously of the damage that inflicted/continues to inflict. We naturally curious beings sometimes cannot discern when our curiosity harms another.
Being together was the one ray of sunshine back then. I’m grateful for the times we have been able to be together since then, too.
